4. God is gracious and God is faithful

4.  God is gracious and God is faithful

I had become completely convinced that God’s hand was in this.  God was opening the doors for me to go to study in Aberdeen.  I had been worried about tuition fees, turned out that I’d saved enough to cover them.  I had been worried about paying rent in Aberdeen - but Aberdeen University had covered that for me.  I was worried about how to feed myself in Aberdeen, but rent from my flat and money from my parents had that covered.  For each of the difficulties that I had anticipated in moving to Aberdeen, it seemed God had a plan in place!  I had always believed that God was gracious and faithful, it’s just that I had never seen such a clear out pouring of God’s provision in my life.  Maybe that’s because this was the first real time that I was taking such a clear step of faith.  

So naturally, having seen such clear provision of God in my life, and believing strongly that this was the will of God for my life, I started to worry about what life would be like in Aberdeen.  I began worrying about whether I would find a church, whether I would make friends, and whether I could actually make it at Aberdeen University.  One of my biggest concerns was whether or not I would find a community to become a part of or whether I would find myself completely alone in a strange new place.

Worrying about what was ahead, I started to worry about what I was leaving behind.  I began worrying that I would struggle being so far away from my friends and family.  I had never lived more than 20 miles away from where I grew up, now I was planning on moving 150 miles away.  I was comfortable in my church.  I was comfortable with my work colleagues.  I was comfortable in my community.  I loved seeing my family regularly, particularly my nieces and nephews.  So, planning on moving so far away, I started to worry that I would find it hard.  

It’s so typical of the human condition that we incessantly worry about things that are completely out with our control!  It seems completely ridiculous that, here I was clearly seeing God’s hand at work in my life, and I start to worry about things I can’t control anyway!  I suppose Luke 12 is easy to know and much harder to do… 

Luke 12:25-31 "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.”

The truth is that really didn’t know I was stepping into, but God knew.  I’m not going to lie, it was quite difficult experience packing my stuff up and preparing to head up to Aberdeen. Even at the age of 31, it felt like quite a daunting task. In a few short hours I would arrive in Aberdeen, ready to attend my second fresher’s week as a brand-new student, in a city where I knew no one (except Grant Brown), and had absolutely no idea where anything was.  But two simple truths kept running through my head, over and over again:  God is gracious, faithful and in control, and people do this all the time.  

I had decided to make the move on Sunday afternoon - that way I could unpack and then attend an evening church service when I arrived. A friend had put me in touch with some friends of hers in Aberdeen, and recommended that I met up with them, and went to church with them, when I arrived. It helped knowing that I had a church to go to, and people to meet up with, when I arrived in Aberdeen. After a lot of packing, a long drive, and a lot of unpacking (with a flight of stairs thrown in for extra fun) I arrived in Aberdeen ready to begin my Aberdream.  

When I arrived in Aberdeen, I met my first flatmate John who was already there. It was a slightly surreal experience, arriving at the University, being given a key, wandering into the flat and meeting someone for the first time who you’re going to spend the next nine months living with. For the first few days it was just John and I living in the flat as we waited expectantly on our other flatmates arriving.  I had already met Srikanth via Facebook, but had no idea who would be in the other two rooms or when they would arrive.  As it transpired, Dom arrived a few days later, and the fifth room was left unoccupied for the year.  

The flat was a comfortable size for the four of us sharing and we got on well together.  We fairly quickly managed to devise a rota for flat cleaning and split up the shared spaces in the kitchen for storage.  We all cooked our own meals, and had our own kitchen stuff, so it was somewhat fortunate that there was plenty of storage space.  As the year progressed, and it became apparent that there wouldn’t be a fifth person joining the flat, the Salvation Graeme (my somewhat militant charity with the sole benefactor being me!) claimed some extra storage space as I’d brought WAY too much stuff!  The others didn’t really seem to mind though!

One of the slightly disappointing things about the halls was that there was no living room, meaning that we didn’t really spend much time socialising with each other.  We did share some meals together, and head out to do a little socialising together, but generally we only caught up with each other when we bumped into one another in the kitchen.  We did get on well though - in fact, we never argued about anything.  If anything, I probably irritated my flat mates, but they never complained!  I think it really helped that it was mature student accommodation and that we respected each other enough to make sure the living environment was pleasant for each of us.  

In a lot of ways it was a perfect flat.  We got on well together and respected each other.  The flat was perfectly positioned on campus, meaning that there was never an excuse for missing lectures - even 9am lectures!  The only sad thing was the lack of a living room, which would have helped to develop our relationships a bit more.  But, all things considered, I’m really thankful for the guys that I shared with over first year, and really thankful for the flat that I was in.

Having visited one church my first week in Aberdeen, I was really keen to visit Gerrard Street Baptist the following week.  Gerrard Street Baptist was the church that I had visited when I was up for the Open Day the previous year, and was the church that Grant Brown had suggested to me - and attended himself.  I knew what I was looking for in a church: Christ centred, Bible centred, prayer centred, worship centred, fellowship centred.  For me, Gerrard Street immediately ticked each of those boxes.  Aside from anything else, they were having student lunches every Sunday in September!  I’m hardly gonna turn down a free lunch now am I?!?!  

I had found a church where the preaching was good, biblically based and Christ centred.  I had found a church where the importance of prayer was evident throughout the service and the life of the church.  I had found a church where the people gathered to worship God.  I had found a church where I had made friends, entered into a community and felt comfortable.  Most importantly, I had found a church that fed me!  So Gerrard Street became my spiritual home.  

Having worried about finding a church, whether I would get on with my flatmates and whether I would make friends and find a community in Aberdeen, I realised that God had answered each of these concerns extremely quickly.  My course mates and I get on really well together.  This year there are three Divinity students - Jamie, Amy and myself - and we have become firm friends.  We have also picked up a random Buddhist, Michael, on the way - but he’s a nice guy too!  The Aberdeen University Christian Union has been absolutely amazing as well, but I’m gonna write more about that in a later post (as this one has gone on for quite a while as it is!)

The last thing I want to mention in this post is that, at various times throughout the last year, I have thought that I was struggling for money, only to be reminded of the graciousness and faithfulness of God.  At one point in the last year, a friend came to me and handed me a cheque.  I had been worried how I would feed myself that month, then a good friend comes to me and hands me a cheque saying “My husband and I felt called to give you this.”  A few months later I was again concerned about money, as I had a number of expense due to come out of my account  and not much money in there!  At the time, I had just started doing some work for Aberdeen City Council as a supply teacher and wasn’t sure when I would be paid, or how much it would be.  As it turns out, I was paid a day later and over £1000 more than I was expecting.  When I spoke to Aberdeen about this, they said it was a tax rebate from my previous work.  It was just incredible for it to arrive at the exact time that I needed it.  God is gracious and God is faithful.  

3. The road to the Aberdream - God opening doors

3.  The road to the Aberdream - God opening doors

So, to sum up, I wasn’t enjoying being a teacher.  I didn’t really want to do it, it wasn’t something I’d ever really chosen to do and the ‘what’ and the ‘why’ were wrong.  I felt called to do something else, and so I started making plans.  Mainly, I started saving.  I knew that I needed to save the money for my tuition fees.  I also had to get my flat ready to rent it out to provide me with some income while I was in Aberdeen.  The biggest questions that remained were, when I should return to university, and which university I should attend.  

Because of my connection to the Church of Scotland, I immediately narrowed the list of universities down to those that are accredited by the Church of Scotland.  Aside from anything else, it made the list shorter, and that helped!  So it was now between the Universities of Glasgow, Edinburgh, Aberdeen, St. Andrews and Highland Theological College in Dingwall.  Due to the UCAS application system, I was able to apply to all 5, and so I did.  

It was pretty clear in my head that I didn’t want to stay with my parents whilst studying for my Divinity degree.  Living with your parents at the age of 31 is not where you want to be.  (In fairness, it’s probably not a massive picnic for them either!)  I gave some consideration to Glasgow and to Edinburgh, but eventually ruled both out.  At the time, and probably still, Glasgow didn’t have a great reputation for Divinity.  I also hadn’t had a wonderful experience there the first time, and so returning wasn’t really appealing.  Similarly I ruled Edinburgh out, but that was largely due to my decision that I didn’t want to stay in the central belt.  Actually, having visited Dingwall on 3 or 4 occasions, I was fairly convinced that I was heading to HTC.  

In Spring 2016 I was praying on my way home from church.  I was asking God where and when He wanted me to go to do my training.  As clearly as I’ve ever been aware of God speaking to me, I heard God say (or it popped very clearly into my head - whichever you’re more comfortable with) “Have you considered Aberdeen?”… I replied “erm, not really no… I was planning on going to HTC”…. “You REALLY should think about Aberdeen”… None of that was audible conversation, but I’m convinced it was a clear dialogue with God in which my questions were answered.  So when I got home, I looked on the Aberdeen website and there just so happened to be an Open Day coming up in the next couple of weeks.  (How fortunate!)  So I booked to go.  I was incredibly impressed with the day (it probably helped that it was blissfully sunny) and felt incredibly at home.  I visited the university, listened to talks from various departments, visited the halls of residence, toured the campus and generally wandered about a bit.  I also took the opportunity to stay an extra day and check out a church the following morning before heading home.  The upshot of it all was that I decided that Aberdeen was the university for me.

The next part of the plan was to apply.  So, in September 2016, I signed up for UCAS and filled in the application - except the personal statement (because who can really be bothered with that!)  My understanding was that the whole thing needed to be finished and submitted by the end of January - spoiler alert:  I was wrong.  Having filled in most of the information I basically put the rest off until closer to the time.  I wasn’t keen on talking to my boss, because I knew that it would be a really difficult conversation, so I was happy to wait until closer to the time.  The August to December term had been really difficult at work, and so I wasn’t keen on adding to the bad news.  I thought I would just wait until January 2017, when I would need tell her, before breaking the bad news - after all, bad news can wait huh?  

So, when the new year rolled round, I was planning on telling my boss - and asking her for a reference - in plenty of time before the end of the month.  I hadn’t realised two things.  Firstly, the application was due in by the 15th of January, and secondly, my reference needed to be included with my application.  So, on Wednesday the 11th of January 2017, I met with my boss to tell her I’d decided to leave.  She was very supportive and incredibly encouraging.  I asked her if she could complete a reference for me, and assured her that it wasn’t due until the end of January.  The following morning, I got an email from UCAS ‘reminding’ me that my application was due by 6pm on the 15th and that my reference needed to be included with it.  This was not good news!  So I phoned my boss and very apologetically begged her to complete the reference for me.  Again, she agreed, saying that it was no problem and that she’s done it before herself!  Thanks to my boss, my own blind panic, and God opening the door for me, I got my application in on time.

The next part of the process was working out where I would live and how on earth I would afford to live whilst studying.  At Easter time in 2017, I was still waiting on replies from some universities when I got a letter from Aberdeen…  They had been the first university to reply to my application, and the first university to accept me as a student.  Anyway, the university were writing to me to offer me some perks to attract me to study with them.  The first perk was that they were offering me a year of free accommodation with them!  I couldn’t believe it!  What an incredible and timely answer to prayer!  All of a sudden, everything just seemed to fall into place.  I was able to rent out my flat - such was my plan for paying for food throughout the year.  Rent at uni was taken care of.  God had clearly opened the doors.  And so the door was open for the move to Aberdeen to begin the Aberdream.

Having thought about it, I remembered something else.  Over the years, I have taken advice from several people about where I should go to study.  One of those people was my brother Andrew - and I have always greatly valued his advice.  I remember sitting down for coffee with him in 2014, and clearly remember him suggesting to me that I go to study in Aberdeen.  Who knew?

2. Why the Aberdream

2.  Why the Aberdream

A number of people have asked my why I chose to return to University and why Aberdeen University.  There are loads of different answers I could give to those questions, but, by far, the most accurate would be that I believe this is where God wants me to be.  There are few decisions that I have made in my life that I can reflect on and state so clearly that they were categorically the correct decision.  So far the Aberdream has proven to be one of the best decisions of my life (though that might be the impending 4 months of holiday talking!)

There’s a whole gamut of reasons that I could give that brought me to the decision to move to Aberdeen and why I categorically believe it to have been the correct decision.  The following is a reflection on some of the reasons that led me to Aberdeen.  It may prove fairly lengthy, and is probably written more for my benefit than for the benefit of any reader (sorry!)  I have tried (and completely failed!) to keep some of the background stuff to cliff-notes.. enjoy!

August 2004 - June 2008 - Glasgow and Strathclyde Universities 

On leaving school I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do.  I had never really excelled in education and the idea of continuing for a further four years wasn’t exactly appealing.  I had achieved some decent results in my exams, especially given I really didn’t put much work into them, but I wasn’t really interested in taking any of the subjects further.  The problem was that I had no idea what I wanted to do.  My parents - I think - expected me to go to university.  All of my siblings had gone to Glasgow University and they had all done (at least some) Maths.  And so, in a startling move of originality, I decided that the best idea would be for me to go to Glasgow to study Maths.  Needless to say, I didn’t enjoy it.  Somehow, I graduated after 3 years with a non-honours Maths degree.  (3 years in 2 sentences!  See?  Cliff-notes!)  I was always good at Maths, but I wasn’t really interested.  

On graduating, I still had no idea what I wanted to do - but now I had a piece of paper!  My Dad - A Maths lecturer at Glasgow University - advised me that the best option for me would be to go into teaching.  I had no enthusiasm for that idea at all, but was devoid of a better plan.  And so, I attended Strathclyde University where I achieved my PGDE.  Didn’t enjoy that either - in fact hated almost every minute of it - but I got through it.  The good news is that, this time, I didn’t have to wonder what I was gonna do next!  On I went to my probationary year as a teacher.

August 2008 - September 2017

Cliff-notes - honestly, I am trying!  So I did my probationary year in teaching… pretty much hated it.  I was now 5 years down the line of doing things that I wasn’t enjoying and no real idea where to turn.  So, I started applying for teaching jobs.  I was getting no where, until I got an email from the, then, Head Teacher of, what was then, Falkirk Day Unit.  He was looking for a young teacher, fresh out of probation, to come and work in the Unit.  I had never thought of behaviour support as an option, but thought I’d give it a try.  From August 2009 until September 2017 I worked in the SEBN (Social, Emotional Behavioural Needs) units in Falkirk Council.  I really enjoyed the work: it was like a funny mix between teaching, youth work and social work.  We were helping some of the most vulnerable children, living in the most appalling circumstances, to overcome these circumstances and work towards a brighter future.  The job was emotionally and physically draining.  You had to process some awful things.  But I was in a position to help children and families in an amazing way.  I got to point them towards the hope of a bright future.  A future that they couldn’t necessarily see, but a future that I could help them to realise.

And yet, for me, the ‘what’ and the ‘why’ were wrong.  I am firmly convinced that Jesus is the only hope that any of us have in life.  Acts 4:12  “And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”  Jesus takes care of our greatest need - the need to be right with God.  At FDU and the MSS, we were able to point the children and their families towards a hope, but it wasn’t the hope of the gospel.  It was the hope that their circumstances could, and would, change.  It was important that they had that hope.  But they had need of a far greater hope.  I decided, and felt called, to give my life to telling people of that greater hope.  And so I left teaching and came to live the Aberdream.  

Chryston Parish Church 2005 - Present

I have always attended Chryston Parish Church, but in 2005 I became a member and was baptised.  I had become a Christian a couple of years beforehand, and it seemed like a good idea at the time!  (totally was a good idea!)  My engagement with the church had been steadily growing, and I was actually believing what I was hearing preached each week - which is always a plus.  I was beginning to understand my sinfulness and my need for, not just salvation, but sanctification as well.  I started meeting with one of the ministers on Friday mornings for breakfast, bible study and prayer.  We discussed at length my besetting sins, my distaste for teaching and a whole raft of other things.  It was during these breakfast bible studies that I first talked about feeling called to preach the gospel.  It was in these meetings that my minister suggested that I go on mission to Rwanda and use the opportunity to explore a gifting in preaching whilst there.  

In 2010 and 2011, I went on mission with a charity called Comfort Rwanda (now Comfort International) to Rwanda.  Comfort Rwanda took us on a two week mission trip, to visit their partner agencies, and visit some of their grassroots ministries.  In Rwanda we got to see something of the amazing power of the Gospel at work in the people.  We would visit a town and hear some horrific stories of what happened in the genocide.  We would then hear of the amazing way in which the gospel was making a difference in that situation.  We met one lady who had lost everything.  Her house had been burned down, her children and her husband had been killed, she had been abused and her community had been completely destroyed.  When we met her, we were helping at a building project in her community, including helping build her a new house.  At the end of the day, we sat down to hear her story.  After that, we saw her embrace a man who had been helping with the building.  The man had been part of the group that had destroyed her community and killed her family.  Yet, through the healing and reconciliation work being done in the community and through the power of the gospel, this lady had been able to forgive this man who had taken so much from her.  

It was in Rwanda, in 2010, that I preached for the first time.  I spoke on one of my favourite passages of scripture - John chapter 21, the restoration of Peter.  I preached twice on the same day on the same passage.  It was an incredible privilege for me to have the opportunity to open up scripture.  From then on, I was given the opportunity in my church to further explore, to grow and develop my skills in preaching.  

Having prayerfully considered for years a calling to preach the gospel, I finally decided on moving to Aberdeen, to pursue my Aberdream.  Sometimes I think that, if I could go back and give myself some advice leaving school, it would be to go and get a job, rather than going to university the first time.  That said, I feel very strongly that, at each step, God’s hand was at work, changing me into who He needed me to be, before heading back to university.  I maybe didn’t enjoy some of the steps along the way, but I very much believe that God’s hand has been at work in my life, and that is such a blessing.